


Exorcising Demons

by nekosmuse_archive (nekosmuse)



Category: Without a Trace
Genre: Angst, M/M, sex as a coping mechanism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:07:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23603557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nekosmuse/pseuds/nekosmuse_archive
Summary: Written pre 2005. Posting for archival purposes.There were some memories he'd rather not visualize.
Relationships: Martin Fitzgerald/Danny Taylor
Kudos: 3





	Exorcising Demons

He was well aware of the fact that he was consciously fighting sleep.

Not that the task was difficult. Sleep eluded him most nights, but it was worse on nights that ended with a case like the one they'd just finished.

So not fighting sleep, but rather, trying not to close his eyes, because every time he did the cold, lifeless eyes of a dead girl flickered across the backs of his eyelids and some memories he'd rather not visualize.

Staring at the far wall was preferable, the wallpaper cracked and torn, yellowed with age that he could make out even in the darkness. He doubted it had been replaced in years, likely not since the hotel was built, the swirling floral pattern reminding him entirely too much of the front hall in a house he'd once called home.

A house he hadn't seen the inside of in years, not since he was a kid and that was another memory he'd rather not visualize.

The walls of his apartment in New York were painted in shades of taupe, no wallpaper and no memories and Danny found himself cursing the small town and its distinct lack of flights.

Had the girl turned up anywhere else, he would be home by now, stretched out on his couch, television blaring to drown out the memory of failure.

Only one channel came through on the television set here, and that fuzzy at best. Not enough to drive away the demons. Not enough to distract him from the hollowness that came with knowing he'd arrived too late.

This certainly wasn't the first case to end badly, but it was the first in a while, long enough that Danny had almost forgotten what it was like. Long enough that Danny's hands twitched and he was suddenly thankful that the low budget hotel they were forced to stay in lacked a mini bar.

They'd stopped for coffee after finding her.

Bitter, black coffee that Danny suspected had been sitting in the pot since morning. He could still taste it on his tongue, feel the weight of it in his stomach and Danny regretted not forcing himself to eat.

Neither of them had wanted dinner, Martin refusing with a shake of his head before following Danny back to his room. He'd perched on the edge of the bed Danny was now (not) sleeping in, clutching his coffee like it alone could sustain him.

Danny hadn't pressed; stomach hollow and twisted with nausea, food the last thing he wanted.

They'd sat in silence for what seemed an eternity before lapsing into conversation, shallow words passing between them, none of them touching on the girl, or the case, until eventually Martin had left.

Disappeared through the connecting door that joined their rooms, leaving it open and Danny hadn't bothered closing his side before showering and climbing into bed.

He was no longer certain how many hours had passed since Martin's leaving. How long he'd been staring at the darkness of the room, listening to the echoing silence that was broken only by the shifting of mattress springs and the hollow sound of his breathing.

Too long, he suspected.

Too long and yet not long enough, because the room was still bathed in darkness, daylight and their afternoon flight a long way off and Danny doubted that he'd find rest until after they were back in New York.

Through the open door, he could hear Martin moving. Hear the creaking of springs as Martin climbed from the bed and the soft footfalls of Martin's pacing. It was the third time Martin had woken since he left and Danny took solace in the knowledge that he wasn't the only one fighting sleep.

It was so tempted to crawl from beneath the covers, make his way into Martin's room and pace at Martin's side. It would be so easy, so simple and yet Danny didn't move. Doing so would mean admitting to how shaken he was. How frustrated he was and Danny doubted either of them wanted to face the reasons for that.

They never talked about cases. It was almost as though there was an unwritten rule that forced them to push aside the memory of a case as soon as it was over, burying it in their subconscious until all that remained were the fragments of nightmares and even those faded with time.

Replaced by the next case that they never talked about and the next set of nightmares and Danny was almost familiar with the process now. Not completely, but he doubted he ever would be, the human mind not meant to process the things they were forced to process. Not meant to see the things they saw.

The creaking of floorboards told Danny Martin was closer, standing in the doorway if Danny wasn't mistaken and Danny couldn't help but wonder if Martin intended to breach that rule. He didn't say anything, though, didn't turn to offer the questioning glance that would have invited Martin in.

He knew Martin was watching him. He could feel the weight of Martin's eyes, heavy and uncertain and Danny shifted, letting Martin know he was awake.

It seemed to be what Martin was waiting for, the sound of footsteps once again approaching and Danny was halfway to turning when he felt the mattress dip.

Felt the covers being drawn aside, Martin climbing in behind him and Danny froze.

This was not what he was expecting.

"Martin?" he asked, the words whispered, but they still sounded too loud against the otherwise silence of the room.

"Don't," Martin answered, the word a warning as he shifted closer, hand landing on Danny's hip, pulling him close and Danny forced himself to relax.

Forced himself to take deep, even breaths that were nowhere near calming.

"What…?" he got out before Martin was shushing him, leaning forward until his chest was pressed against Danny's back and Danny jerked at the feel of Martin's lips against his neck.

There was no tenderness in Martin's kiss, only purpose, underlined with frustration and sorrow. It was enough to know that this was a bad idea, one that Danny should stop before it even began, because neither of them were in the right frame of mind for this.

He went so far as to say it, opening his mouth to protest, the words freezing on his tongue as Martin squeezed his hips, rocking him back until Martin's erection was pressed against Danny's ass and it was only then that Danny registered the fact that Martin was naked.

That he was wearing only a pair of boxers, the fabric thin enough that Martin's heat felt scorching.

"Martin…' he tried again, earning another thrust, one that coiled need his belly, cock stiffening to tent the front of his underwear.

It left him speechless, incapable of words because Danny didn't know this Martin. This Martin left him torn between complete arousal and wariness. His Martin brought only arousal that Danny had learned to bury years ago.

It wasn't that he didn't want Martin --God knew he did-- but not like this. Not with Martin tense against him, tongue working its way along the length of Danny's neck, stopping only upon reaching the underside of Danny's ear, his tension increasing tenfold as he caught Danny's earlobe between his teeth.

Not with Martin forced to murmur against Danny's skin, words of comfort that shouldn't have been needed and Danny suspected they were more for Martin than himself. And not with Martin's fingers digging into Danny's hips hard enough to leave bruises, Martin's desperation evident in all of it and Danny knew he'd regret this come morning.

Still the words wouldn't come, Danny's tongue swollen in his mouth, the feel of Martin pressed against him, the scent of Martin surrounding him too much to want to voice any kind of protest.

It was a shock, then, when Martin pulled away, breaking contact and Danny only had time to twist and glance over his shoulder before Martin was moving, shifting down, grabbing fistfuls of Danny's boxers and pulling them off, the movement forceful, angry and desperate and fear replaced the dull pounding of his heart in his chest.

It vanished just as quickly, Danny silently reminding himself that this was Martin, regardless of how out of control he seemed, and Martin would never hurt him. Not intentionally, anyway, and if he refused to speak to Danny after this, it would be Danny's own fault for not stopping this before it got out of hand.

Still, he couldn't help but feel exposed, open and vulnerable as Martin tossed his boxers onto the floor, hands trailing back up Danny's legs to rest on the curve of his ass, thumbs sliding up to brush against Danny's crack and Danny shivered in spite of himself.

Martin was watching him, staring and Danny wanted to squirm under the heat of his gaze. He wanted to twist until they were face to face, kiss Martin because at least then he'd know exactly why Martin was doing this. Exactly what Martin wanted from this but Martin's grip held him firm, effectively trapping Danny on his side.

Danny forced himself to release a shaking breath, pressing back into Martin's touch, unable to stop himself from groaning when Martin spread his cheeks. He felt himself flush as Martin spread him wide, uncertain whether the reaction was desire or embarrassment. A little of both, he suspected, but even that didn't matter when Martin leaned forward, tongue landing on Danny's spine, trailing down and for the first time that night, Danny let his eyes fall closed.

There were no images this time, only darkness that was occasionally broken by light spots dancing across his vision. Martin crept lower. Lower still until he reached the base of Danny's spine, tongue pausing, disappearing a second later, replaced by Martin's lips and Danny hands clenched in the sheets at the softness of Martin's kiss.

The tenderness was there this time, fleeting, gone all too soon as Martin's tongue reappeared, trailing even lower this time, through the cleft of Danny's ass, stopping only upon reaching Danny's hole, circling it once before pushing inside.

Danny bit his lip to keep from screaming.

To keep from babbling, words seeming out of place in the silence that had, until now, only been broken by Martin's muffled words and their occasional groans.

There was safety in that silence. Comfort and Danny didn't want to breach it. Didn't want to give voice to what they were doing, half fearful that words might send Martin running.

He couldn't help himself from moaning, though, the sound broken and hoarse, echoing throughout the room and Danny pushed back onto Martin's tongue, knee drawing up to his chest to give Martin room.

Martin's hands were still wrapped around the curve of Danny's ass, pulling him up and spreading him open, fingers twitching and Danny wanted Martin to slide them inside.

Wanted Martin to stretch him open, hold him down and force his way inside until there was nothing between them, bodies connected and writhing together and Danny wanted to laugh at the thought. How long ago had he thought to protest this?

The desire to laugh faded when Martin pulled back, becoming a needy whimper instead. He knew he should probably be embarrassed by it, but the thought wouldn't form, Danny halfway to resorting to begging by the time Martin kissed his way back up Danny's spine.

He didn't, managing to keep the words at bay, lip twisted between his teeth and Danny shivered as Martin settled back against him, breath hot against Danny's neck.

"Stay here," Martin said, the first words he'd spoken since he'd climbed into Danny's bed and Danny knew Martin meant them as an order.

Danny didn't argue, instead nodding like leaving was the last thing on his mind. In truth it was, but more than that, Danny doubted he was capable of leaving, his legs shaking despite the fact that he was horizontal, his entire body too tightly coiled to do anything but twitch with anticipation.

He felt Martin shift, the mattress once again dipping as Martin pushed himself up off the bed, footsteps receding this time and panic surged in Danny's chest. He could imagine where Martin was going, but a small part of him worried that maybe Martin wouldn't come back.

Another part of him worried that Martin would.

All of this was insane, Martin never once showing any kind of interest and Danny still couldn't figure out why Martin was doing this. What Martin wanted from this because there had to be a reason. Martin never did anything without a reason.

He was halfway to convincing himself to call this off, send Martin back to his room with a promise to talk about this in the morning, when Martin returned. Still the words wouldn't come, Danny unable to tear his gaze away from the wallpapered wall, not even to look at Martin as Martin climbed back into the bed.

Martin seemed to be hovering, not quite touching but close enough that he could without effort. Danny had half a second to contemplate the whys of that when he heard the unmistakable sound of a condom wrapper opening. Half a second to wonder why Martin had thought to bring condoms when Martin's hand landed on his shoulder.

And pushed, Martin's free hand curling around his hip to pull Danny up and onto his knees and Danny didn't protest. He was beyond protest, Martin's actions curt and demanding, expecting nothing but compliance and Danny's arms shook beneath him as he pushed himself up onto his elbows.

"Martin?" he tried, wanting, needing to break the heavy silence that had fallen between them.

Martin didn't answer, instead sliding his hands between Danny's thighs, pushing them open and Danny shifted on the bed, ass arching into the air despite his vow to talk this out before letting Martin fuck him.

And that was what he was doing. He had no doubt of that. This wasn't sex. This wasn't making love. This was Martin, getting off to escape whatever demon he was currently fighting and while part of Danny knew he shouldn't let this happen, that it would very likely destroy whatever friendship they'd had before this moment, the rest of him wanted nothing more than to let Martin have his way with him.

And maybe he was fighting his own demons. Maybe this wasn't so much about Martin as it was about them, both of them needing this one moment of complete abandon so that tomorrow they could get up, get dressed and go about their lives like they hadn't failed a sixteen year old girl who was counting on them.

The thought didn't make him feel any better.

Didn't change anything and Danny tensed at the feel of Martin settling between his legs. He forced himself to relax, breathing deep and shifting back, pushing against Martin's tip as Martin rubbed against his opening.

Martin groaned at that, low and so intense that Danny almost shifted forward, once again wary, but his body seemed to have other plans, hips rocking back and before Danny could get his body back under control, Martin was pushing his way inside.

Stretching Danny open, Danny once again biting his lip to keep from screaming.

He wanted to scream. Wanted to laugh and wanted to weep and wanted to cry out in joy because Martin was inside him. Filling him and stretching him, connected to him in ways that Danny had only ever fantasized about until now.

It was too much, too intense and too fucking crazy to be anything other than what it was and Danny pressed his forehead into the pillow beneath him, breath coming out in laboured pants.

Martin didn't seem to notice, too busy rocking his hips forward, grinding against Danny's ass, fingers clenching against Danny's hips, angling them back and just when Danny thought he couldn't take it anymore, Martin started moving.

He pulled back, slowly, carefully, like he was stretching out the moment, wanting it to last and Danny clawed at the mattress beneath him, his hands clenching into tight balls when Martin stilled, just his tip inside, hovering there until Danny was sure he was going to pull out and walk away.

It didn't happen, Martin trembling once before pushing forward again, sliding all the way back inside in one, long thrust that forced the air out of Danny's lungs, leaving Danny gasping for breath and trying desperately not to pass out.

Trying desperately not to beg, Martin once against stilling, rocking in place, the head of his cock brushing against Danny's prostate each and every time and stars danced across Danny's vision.

He was only dimly aware that he was mewing, a needy, high pitched sound trickling past his lips. It took every ounce of willpower he had to stop, swallowing the sound along with a groan when Martin pulled back a second time.

He didn't pause this time. Didn't hover. Simply pulled back until he almost slipped out before forcing himself forward again, harder this time and the entire bed shifted beneath them, slamming against the wall, pre-existing cracks in the wallpaper growing in size, racing up toward the ceiling and Danny closed his eyes to block them out.

Kept them closed even as Martin continued thrusting, pulling back and rocking forward frantically now, his rhythm long since disappearing, given over to recklessness and the need to come and Danny almost whimpered in relief when Martin finally stilled.

Trembled against him, coming inside him and Danny couldn't decide if that was a good thing. If he should have made Martin pull out, condom or no condom. It was too late for that now, though, Martin's orgasm coming in tiny jerks of his hips and Danny's tried not to be disappointed that he hadn't come first.

A minute or an eternity later, he couldn't tell, Martin stilled, hands loosening their grip on Danny's hips, body sagging and Danny was struck with an inexplicable sense of loss as Martin slipped out.

The loss lasted only a moment, Martin making no move to finish Danny off and Danny growled before reaching between his legs, wrapping his hand around his cock and jerking himself in rough, uneven strokes that had him coming against the sheets in a matter of seconds.

It took every ounce of energy he had left not to simply collapse into the mess, instead forcing himself onto his side, sagging into the mattress and a second later Martin eased himself down onto the mattress, arms limp at as sides, eyes locked on the ceiling, face expressionless and Danny closed his eyes against the sight.

When he opened them again, Martin was still lying there, making no move to get up or even remove the condom, so Danny forced himself up into a seated position. He wanted to say something, anything to break whatever trance Martin seemed to be in, but the words wouldn't come, Danny sighing before reaching for Martin's now soft cock, rolling the condom up and off, careful not to make more of a mess than they already had.

Martin still didn't say anything as Danny climbed from the bed, legs shaking as he made his way into the bathroom, tossing the condom in the trash before cleaning himself up, grabbing a towel on the way out the door for the bed and by the time he made it back, Martin's eyes were closed, Martin's breath even and deep.

Danny shook his head before cleaning what he could off the sheets, leaving Martin where he was before climbing into the bed and curling onto his side, the space between them seeming even more distant than it had when Martin had still been in his own room.


End file.
